it's funny how much situations change when you get drunk

hahaha

i'd do ANYTHING to forget about him.

i'd love to go eternal sunshine of the spotless mind style minus the whole regretting doing it thing.  no regrets of erasing him from my mind completly. 

all bridges between him and i are burned.  i hope for good, too.  i can't believe i fell for half of the things he's ever said to me.  i THINK i've finally realized what he's changed into, and that i deserve so much better.  i know the good things he's capable of so i'm so confused as to why he's not utlizing it.  i don't know why he choses to do what he does, but i guess i'm not supposed to.  i know that if i ever wanted to tell him anything, he wouldn't care-like it's always been. 

i'm not really hurt anymore because i've realized how good other people are.  that there ARE better people out there for me and i won't be stuck on him anymore.  i miss him like hell but i realize i miss who he was, not who he is. 

in other news: i'm coming back to whitewater next year and i'm really really excited for it.  i know next year will be so much better.  i know i'm going to start off on a better note and make the best of everything and um, do my homework and hopefully get decent grades.  i failed my first class ever this semester and i'm pissed at myself for it.  but all i can do is make sure it doesn't happen again.  and i'm going to join the belly dancing club =D haha

and as far as certain people go, i'm GLAD that you have left my life.  i don't think i've met anyone shittier, and i don't care what your excuse is.  it's bullshit and you know it.  lying?? are you kidding me? after everything we've done for you, you don't have the balls to say anything.  maybe me being THIS mad is out of line, but i'm sure i'll never talk to you again, either.  "friends" don't treat "friends" that way.  so thank you for falling off the face of the earth.  it has made it SO much easier to say goodbye. 

i'm going to see TPAINNNNNNN on wednesday =D

and i met a VERY cute boy =)

i love him a lot a lot and i feel like that will never change but i'm afraid i'm always going to buckle when he sends me cute ' imiss you' text messages.  who would wanna pass that up??  it's like i'm sitting around waiting for them while he goes out and fucks around and then once he realizes that it doesn't mean anything he'll come back to me and it's what i've been waiting for so i'm like "=D FINALLY!"

however i think this time it might be different.. it kinda seems like we've switched gears.  he's all 'i miss you' and i'm like 'i wanna go out and meet cute guys'  who knows though.  i'm stuck on him now i think. actually i think i'm torn between wanting to stay with him, and meeting other people.  i don't want to lose him, but i don't wanna sit around anymore. 

i realize what he's doing, but i still fall for it.   i'm a freak for this kid and it's kinda sick